The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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