Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
