I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I touched a dick in church today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
