Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
