If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
