4 words: hood of his car
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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