FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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