And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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