i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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