Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
