So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
