Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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