we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
