My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
