In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
