I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
