in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
