Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
