Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
