He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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