it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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