The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
