bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
