In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
