Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
