bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I will be naked everywhere
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
