I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
