i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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