I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
