I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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