I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
