I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
