I don't usually arrange sex via text message
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
