can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
