Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
