But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
