"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
