I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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