I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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