I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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