Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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