If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
