Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
