Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
