You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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