just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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