I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
