Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
