People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
