would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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